i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
