i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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