Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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