That's intense
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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