go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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