He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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