i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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