nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Randomize