Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
