I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
