I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize