she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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