Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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