Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
