this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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