he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
