My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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