the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
