there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
