mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
