"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think I won the penis lottery.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
