Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
