nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize