dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
