Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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