is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
