Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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