my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
