I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize