Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
