Dual....:-)
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
