yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
