Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
