U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
