Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize