LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
