hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
we're so committed to being not committed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
