2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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