I am puke
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
