I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
