I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
