you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
