I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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