You just made me feel so damn special
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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