the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
