awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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