pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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