My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
