so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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