sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
