I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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