guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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