Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Four minutes until I can fart!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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