Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
