I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
