the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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