i need an iv and a liver transplant
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
jump out the window naked night went bad
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
