He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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