i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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