she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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