you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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