bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
