I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize