I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can't turn off my feet"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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