i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
