I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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