Nicole vs. Life
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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