they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize