I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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